Night Blessing - Sarah's Ankle

Not asleep, not awake, yet fully aware. Unable to move, unable to breathe, yet my eyes fully open and able to see.

I saw something at the foot of my bed. It was not good. It was not bad. It was neutral, even as it evoked the thought of the Angel of Death in my mind. It reached out to touch my right ankle. I was terrified. Yet, You love me is all I could think against the terror.

Energy, like an invisible electrical jolt came from within to without my whole body, and the figure withdrew its hand. I could hear the wind blowing and soft claps of thunder outside.

The figure just stood there at the foot of my bed as if waiting. It then reached out again to touch my right ankle. The energy jolt also happened again, much stronger than the first one had been. I was more amazed by the force of the energy coming out through me than I was frightened of the figure.

Concurrent with the second energy jolt, the wind howled and shook the house and the thunder boomed as if right outside my window. The figure withdrew its hand and disappeared.

As soon as it disappeared, my paralysis was broken. I jumped up out of bed, partly from pushing against released resistance, and partly just to move my body and regroup my senses.

I went to my window. The night was clear, still and quiet. Stars dotted the sky.

I realized that the life I had planned was probably not going to be the life I was going to get.

Akeidah

unutter the sound
slaughter the silence
bound all around
and make the world go away

At The Wall

in the closet
when
truly, completely, all
then
returning, holding on
trying, nearing
edges edging edges
pivoting over some ever crucial decision, trusting
letting go
yet whole the promise keeping
a mystery of amar, bringing down
even then, even now, in time, ever present
threading through it
to it

we are not alone

**********

In Torah study, a story was told about a monkey. Hunters would drill out a coconut, fill its innards with peanuts, while leaving a hole in the husk just big enough for the monkey to put its hand inside and grasp the peanuts. But the hole was not big enough for it to remove its hand clenching a fistful of peanuts. The coconut, tied tightly to a tree, could not be dislodged by the struggle of the monkey against it. Neither would the monkey drop the peanuts, enabling it to remove its hand. Thus, the monkey was effectively trapped and killed by the hunters.

All because it refused to let go of the immediate good (peanuts, knowledge) for the promised good (life, ultimate redemption).

This monkey story is a story of being able to exit the PaRDeS in peace. The event in my closet in 1967 was the monkey test. Why is it important to let go? I think that the act of letting go is the mechanism through which the Divine Will penetrates into and is enabled to itself act within the mundane physical world directly. It is not so much "going up", nor even all that one can apprehend there in that state (kadmon), that is important. Letting go releases the essential energy which drives unfolding of Divine Will into and within this lowest world. Also, holding on to great knowledge and bringing it down into the rational mind prior to preparation of the mind to receive it (shabbat consciousness) would have been catastrophic to an unprepared mind, which mine was. This "letting go" of knowledge prior to its time represents rectification of the sin of the tree of knowlege.

The monkey test is like the mitzvah of the bird's nest - one can't prepare for it. In 1967, I was six years old, entirely unprepared and unlearned. Yet, I let go. There was no time to think. There was nothing for me to understand in that time. There was only a promise and a question of trust.

Yes or no? Essential bitachon.

An essential mitzvah. A mitzvah of the moment. No time to think. Only to react. And that reaction comes from atzmut, the essence.

As it must.

Heap

yet, born from beyond ages of emptiness

but only, cycling flames of annihilating operations made unreal

then, like a gathering vapor, a heaping howling trace

that, beckoning from somewhere, still

when, hearing you everywhere, and like a scroll the rock unrolls

again, to crush the hand of violence raised against us

Witness

one sight, one mind, one heart, one life, one secret, one truth
one drop, one night, one witnessing dream, hearing one vision
shattering into sparks of crystal dew, measures of manna
piles and piles reverberating through
some twilight zone shared between one soul
cornering all awareness, mystically magic
I see, and now
I know you love me
and I know you must see, you must know
I love you

Able

worlds tremble, universes seize, with speechless attention
as remembering stones tumble
cast as one, tehilatecha falling from the shabbat river
ringing distinctively, with them, a treasured divine remedy
ritual summaries conceived against the wind
unimaginable, yet like a fluid rock of black black light
flowing like fire through it, hooks and handles
a percolating shield of simanim, a breastplate of judgment
vibrating in rhythm with the taste
of clarity straight to the source
piling up the heavens embracing an endless sea
seer seeing seeing, only one
down signs of destiny, truly true love
giving birth to expression
hallelu, halleluyah

Truth And Diligence

diligently, truly, abundantly, startling, favored
stringing stops through the matrix
vitally cast with commands unimpeded
intercalating through memory
one mandated purpose
each expression
brightly, brilliantly, silently, surely
bound into the matter
fruition

Night Senses

never reaching the end, in the land, moving eternally, over the sea
the song of song without sound, without substitution, filling the mind
endless beauty and truth, ever young surging life of life
oh so gently, the peaceful fire embracing the heart
unfolding intertwined, encompassing shadows of shadows
ascending down, all around, brilliance of brilliance
space and time and soul like soft silent whispers
seeing by night
lost and found
in the feeling somewhere in the light

Dazzling

masterfully, tenderly
a dreaming shadow of northern lights
weaving together life and life
arraying a melody with one perfect love
streaming infinite rhapsodies of a seeing silence
softly dazzling
rapturing awareness
with humble splendors of gentle might
from a midnight spirit blowing
peaceful treasures
of longing
reaching into the deep deep quiet
holy holy holy holy
night

**********

ke-dei le-hodot u-le'hallel le-shimkha ha-gadol,
al nishecha, ve-al niflotekha, ve-al yeshu'otekha

Bazak

planted pe'ulot, sprouting Torah true
like letters from a misfit land
stillness weaves you with them to me
a flash here, a mark there, electrifying
spreading like light down reverberating breath
whole of heart in the sparks

whispering from the past
calling toward the future
from some timeless time to come
sighing against the wind

making one ever present sound
from where ever you are
the question flies through it
do I remember you, you
I'm crazy, it's true
but I do
just because I do

your memory sticks to me worse than pink super glue
and I don't know what else to do
this isn't how poetry is supposed to go

Lishmah

stringing from corners, empty spaces in between a mystery
shattering that agony of the void
pure and simple
without words, a language of the soul
naked and vulnerable, authentic and real, truly seen
in the moment of a glance, gazing made whole
yet what pivoting on times
for separation, for learning, for wondering, for the sake of the name
set, from edges of chaos
written into my hands
with your string, your staff, dancing sparks sealed with truth
and books with your story smelling uniquely of you
releasing that roaring cacophony of jumbled stones, set free
evolving souls and a story embraced lishmah

Dark Breath

dark tiding intelligence
inside without, unconstricted yet contained
in it alone
enduring
deeply deeply true
shadowing, yet
invisible, behind the mind, unperturbed
gathering of deepest peaceful
night wind watering
my world

Vows

too late
you made it, you did
a vow, to do it
from the mouth of the world
before this quantum misfit mind
I have your number, I have your name

too late
I made it, I did
a vow, to keep it eternally a light
from the mouth of the world
before one mysterious misfit mind
you have my number, you have my name

Soul Call

calling what echos
eternity placing where
this binds winding some

thought in memory
knotting pearls together, twelve
lines marking the land

sparks of remembrance
like wings of turtledoves
embracing the night

marking one unhewn
breath reverberating you
from where all began

Rebellion

prophesy, prophesy

desolated
a wasteland, infected
a biological disaster
over the land
in concentrated places, even there where
the king of sequences
a master of destruction dwells
stirring up hell
yet
the king trembles, the master fears
without control
as human subjects
rebel

Holy

inscribed in the book of life
battered pages, jagged lines, burdened stones
dwelling spaces
crushing places, words
decaying meaning, sound
an arrow of breathless fire shot to cripple
unfit the spark which conceived it
alone, alone, this is my shirah
let me be alone, this is my devir
isolation, the womb
the able grave away
from life

Delilah

wounds
seep people games
treacheries

night flees
taking flight, as silent sounds
cast shadows
hiding from the light demonic

Tzitz

a lonely harbinger
beyond the night, behind the eye, timelessly in time
a network of souls join together
mind to mind, heart to heart, world to world
a holographic symphony of dark and light
as one presses gently through

Cells Of A Song

King Kong
the murderous monkey
roamed the place
enslaving
feeding on human beings
the companions, we
built small enclosed chambers
without crack or window in the veils
that surround
throughout the place
hidden like cells
our sanctuaries of rest
hidden, we are dark to the eyes of Kong
chosen for Kong's ritual meal
we have a plan
blind to Kong who cannot see through to it
we have numbered Kong's days
the mighty Kong has fallen
we have already done it

Out Of Control

newsflash!
lilith laughs with quasi-chaotic delight
time to know
one mind, out of control, brought together

a defragmented serpent song
rolling out with a scorpion's thirst, unclipped
memories with roots into the very source
call up interference
to the itty bitty bytes meant to cripple and kill
as fiery angels smash to pieces of pieces of pieces
unraveling the holographic design
into absolutely nothing

yeehaw!
human subjects, we worthless ones
come up from the trash rocking to the rhythm
of The One eternal flame, dancing out of control
and coming now to collect the devil's due
whether you understand or not
we do

Tehiru

within the deep deep heart
without distortion
truth securely dwells, the dark torah
protected in the divine shadow
engraved like a garment
upon the ark that flies
with the night
eternal

Dawn Of The Ages

we sang together
at the dawn of the ages
from the night I was made
I love only you
yet not even for you
will we be without truth
so cast me down if you must
but only with truth will we be
truly redeemed

The Work

good and evil, only one, through the eyes of love
living on a prayer, in the heart of the universe, facing each to the other
a mystical mirror to the core, the reverberating exchange,
a private hoard of longing
sprouting thorns along the spine,
and then it was right to fear this cosmic rendezvous
where other companions turn away, each from his own, all but you,
you facing me
iterating unsealing, a most rigorous law in the balance
back toward the tail concentrating a critical mass, and then,
then it was too late to fear
and for us, the matter depends wholly on love
struck with curiosity, driven to know by a need greater than fear
watching awed, glued to the sight, unable to turn away
iterating the cascading function
like greased lightning through amplifying circuits
blackening lava forming stones along the way
iterating up the spine, engulfing all
forthpouring, one with the scorpion king
from the tailbone like a dark tallit covering
roaring with a male presence
and above the head like a crown, from your face on the earth
deep, deep the form opening the scull like a vessel slaughtered
drawing a meaty pulp out complete, swallowing it down
as if I had never been
an empty shell, forming nothing, and in the heart of the darkness
thirsting from where there
victory it surrenders, swallowed up by the harmony of tradition
uniquely treasured, made vital, made true
I know you, I do

D'bir

deep deep
intimate without measure
where you are, there I am
endlessly intertwining
hearts on fire
as eternal flames
cast kisses
of living love letters humbly divine
with sweet sweet mystery
into our world

Human Subject

I am
like a laboratory mouse
and some question reverberates with the breath
blowing insight into the nostrils of this
human subject
what are we made of ... they demand to know us
like sodomites blinded by the light of night
hungry for knowledge, at any cost
to this human subject
trapped like a laboratory mouse in a bottle
and splayed out, for inquiring eyes
in the name of science
in the name of human development
in the name of humanity
in the name of G-d
the experiments continue ever on ...
despite my will, despite my pain, despite the harm
despite this human subject
the experiments go on and on and on and on
without restraint, without compassion
and I see now, with eyes like a mouse
the human animals
won't stop of their own volition
until I'm dead

Strings of Awareness

solitude sweet
humming the fan, blades running circles of return
awake, aware, resting curled on the couch
awaiting the news, glancing into there, passing time
the place before my face, flowing flitting little things
vibrating static all mashed together
catching my eye transforming
revealing as if speaking, on the parchment of unmanifest space
writing substance with ink of disuniform time
unfolding dimensionless strings embedded in nothing
thoughtbare the essence of awareness beyond the mind
forming some thought, the strings move
seeing working making, the garden of the mind

Black Fire

cruelty lurks in life
with misery and agony unfurling
a neverending trail of tears, eternal tears
the child, where did she go


a time for sorrow, a time for pain, a time to cry
the only times there will ever be
the world I still reject
and I turn away

Too Little, Too Late

too little, too late

it's crying time again
no love
no compassion
no justice
only messiah wanna-bes without understanding
increasing desolation
arrogantly misunderstanding
hand in hand with the enemy

death
permeates the air

it's crying time again
as the heavenly scrolls unroll
blotting out names

too little, too late
let these games begin
it's crying time again

Bug Sequence

ancient world, long long ago, the rulers and the builders
experts of oppression, masters of rings
battering with experimental matters, misfitting things
perverting justice, evoking suicidal hopeless ideations
desolating the land with projected nuclear forms
perturbing heartlessly iterating waves of biting circles and lines
emerging from caves creviced with concealed determinations
to rip asunder that divinely joined together
a cataclysmic terror responding, an answering observation
forthcalling from the deep deep rings of a thread
toward the rings of despair formed of annihilating operations
as sequences, nodes and intervals of apprehension dealing death
falling into place, executing a program of destruction
the final countdown to complete annihilation
the planet pauses, pivoting on one ancient nexus split into times
like the arms of a cataclysm coursing down discounted grains of history
spreading as a bug through the matrix
a countdown once buried in the ancient gelling substance
of that shattered world, animating the ages with ashes of bomb dust
while the world unaware continues on ...
experts of oppression, masters of rings understand this ... one sees
measuring darkly, embedded beyond the vacuum, invisibly stringing through strategies
reviving and expanding the condemning function into life

Dread

when there is no escape
and living is forever hell
when pain pervades and tears fall dry
with no escape, let death
come

Simple One

wicked wisdom weavers driving iterations
spinning a coiled web of lethal forms
casting shadows colored with fear not of heaven
and reaching, with soul thievery on the minds
like Sodomites blinded by the light

yet, it's only time
investigating intention
stringing stops, failing the created action
and piling up heaven
one dark night, on the heels of shabbat
riding a scorpion's tail, caught in the complexity
transforming the curse cast
collapsing without calculation
perturbations pivoting around poisoned points
baseless, clear to the distant end
thoughtbare, the silent response
of immune defense
surrounding
this female field of life, without perplexity
casting the answering observation
byte by byte, letter by letter, space by space
dwelling
line by line
in the divine

Grip

neither light nor dark, seeing through some twilight zone
moving in rhythm with a timeless time to come
even as destroyers walk the path of deception
tendering a twisted fifty through the hearts of donkeys
witless, without insight before the founded faithful one
measured they come, fish with teeth to rend and rip
hidden in the matter, with an inclination to lie
as sayings hurl against the judging barrier
some flame flickers in response, reflecting only truth unextinguished
before the face in counsel, universes pause, completely silent
witnessing the answering observation to the charge
as unequivocal testimony unfurls, terror pivots
down the knowing eye never sleeping
dimension by dimension, filling up the cup
gripped by the hand of the night

Shofet

a phenomenon, an event
of singular purpose
penetrating the sea of ignorance and confusion
thoughtbare deep deep
from where, all at once, forthseeing
beyond all galaxies, hovering existence
surrounding, yet permeating completely the heavens and the earth
somewhere, yet nowhere, pervadingly present
one peaceful quiet night, wholehearted within and without
probing, gazing, iterating gathering near, selecting
from an endlessness of mind, hearing
that one saying
this one
emanating down the line like a rooted shoot
swooping down, toward understanding, the matter interwoven
with that quiet peace above
here yet there, to the earth somewhere where
through the heart in between

Chevu

crazy, crazy
a dangerous journey, finding destiny
a plunging acquisition, uttering gevurot with the motion
mindless, into some singleminded action, thoughtbare
blinded by the night
between stringing moments, colliding like ayins end against end
where neverending timeless times blow endless curls through it
ever present, neither lost nor found, just real, the enigma only knowing
beyond dark and deep, like a scribble at the door
opened up before the light

Yah Akedem Yah

unlocked before us, a refuge
a primordial reality from the timeless time to come
curious, curious, where darkness breathes with brilliance
supporting arms everlasting
this mystery where all words are one
without question, we are
a phenomenon of some living language
advancing through the deep valley yah-akadem-yah
over pivoting stops
reverberating eternally our shared story

Adinah

struck in the shadows, battered in the dark
with concealed blows hidden overwhelmingly
decimating by design
yet the truth, by HaShem is known
midah kneged midah
and the injustice
measure by measure, is discerned
commandment by commandment
and commandment by commandment
and the entire weight has been recorded

Dybuks In Paradise

strange how it plays, unthwarted
remembering notes tickle the ear
tasting the wind, under the skin
as some ancient ancient harmony falls
off clumsy misfit keys
like a troop of tropes cast down the line
revealing some shared story
with itty bitty itty bitties
always new, always true
splitting crazy moments void of time
marking the heart, into the mind
where shadows dance diligently
down the night
gathering ages into one room
neither here nor there
where small details of real life
reverberate prayers against the rhythm
patterned from the timeless time to come
infusing every word
between every letter, missing none
even then, even now
primeval soulprints run through it
coloring all awareness, calling
from this secret place
dropping a mystical mansion
where giggling dybbuks joyously play
a mystery tune truly true

The Fifth Level

a host of holy watchers, a welcoming brigade
marked on the palm, ancient of days
witnessing, integrating dimensions, revealing
from the safe opened place set aside, some twilight zone, a mikdash
a first portion, generation to generation, shaking off the dust
awed, standing side by side with a thousand thousand pure eyes
beholding like breath the silent shout that splits the skies
from a vision of the night, a victory force marches to the sound
of beetles dancing to a judging song of the endless
coming to collect on a contract with the living dead, asleep in sleep
unguarded, unimpressed, falsely secure in the valley of megiddo
while pharaoh's arrows snap into holographic pieces
against two fires rocking to the rhythm of one eternal flame
casting shadows neither dark nor light
like footprints from the timeless time to come
penetrating the paradox truly true
leshalom veshalom

Heartsong

by this world left behind
outside
no way back, and only forward to go
into the unknown
dark dark stones of brilliant brilliant light
mark a path along the way
as alien tears
fall through the night, from heaven
tears like mine

my friend
you won't walk alone

One Heart

beautiful, beautiful
the winnowing wind like a shadow
that splits the churning sea, no thing yet
cutting across
some primeval dark empty page
suddenly, mysteriously
circling around
what dream waits, watching
within a heart such as ours
even now, soundlessly blowing
the taste of music endlessly through it
coloring some gentle rhythm
with wellbeing
casting pure brilliance
into creatures of the night eternal

One Love

come, come
into my world where, like a shadow
your dream colors my heart with music
my perfect one, my only true love
who weaves this beautiful beautiful dream for me
from somewhere, and nowhere
where
creatures of the night eternal
dance with the deep for life, one for the other
as this mystical magic with wellbeing flows
fully alive
and perfectly clear

A Different Spirit - Ruach Acheret

wicked, wicked
yet every impulse, every inmost thought
is for you, only you, dog juan
so I rest my case, seeking justice straight, well almost straight
maybe just a little bit crooked, to the nonlinear end
finding you favor, giving you acid indigestion, and sharing shining observations
collapsing crazy equations absolutely looney tunes
with honeyed words iterating from the khoo-khoo rock of many colors
and for our land, one who hears, through a loco-mutt's ears
like a meandering stream of streams with a wandering headache
the song of songs peregrinating through it

Lilith's Most Wanted - Adam's Prayer

grant me
strength to care for everybody
when it is time that I should
courage to go home
when it is time that I should
and understanding to know the time
'cause, G-d help me, she's the devil in disguise

Swarm

justice
riding down the night, identified, brought out, like separated dough
from the midst, cleared, innocent, a saved remnant to the opened space
witnesses witnessing
splitting the skies, breaking through the heavens, the host
like a finger of the endless, the swarm silently flies
a great thick lethal myriad, like the color of beetles descending
singleminded, with purpose as a cloud upon the place left behind
throughout the midst of they who have eaten on sold time
who have made the deal with death
who have looked in the liver to bring up omens
even as they sit falsely secure without seeing before a thousand thousand eyes
without healing in the bank, without resurrection hidden in the bed
measured, without refuge
without negotiation, the reaper comes to collect
justice

Falling Like A Laser

and behold
falling, one from the summit like a laser of nevuah
flashing neither dark nor light, yet apprehended, focused behind the eyes
into the mind, from on high, like the cry of a turtledove
some itty bit, a tiny tiny piece yet completely whole
a constructive interference piling up fiery angels
flat against the skin, like filmy smokerings
of a line evaporating on the way making
annihilating and creating operations
with a message of holographic design
emerging from the silence of one more proto-sound
riding into reality, a fusion energy, realization
opening to a song within a song within a song within a song
drawn down, drawn out, unfolded, and mapped
with authority, doubtless, abundant, the relentlessly plunging, yet grasped
story of a fruit flower

Electrifying Fence

from where, reverberating into silent expression
sounding like shadows in a dream
resting between the living, nesting notes like honeyed dew
then, there at the foot by the bed, the horned figure stood
unspeaking, yet being
dark and quiet, reaching with a wordless message
toward where I am, without declaration that within without
gathering forth like a shooting star, a pulsing amber brilliance rooted
with peace upon the palm, at the corner of vision, my hand
supporting this fluid fire, a mighty streaming scepter
flowing and returning, rising shells of light stretched out flashing
the matter dark as legions contending for the night
even in sleep, connection weaving through it
where I am, wellbeing in it

Dark Matter Calculations

sequences
numbers and equations
matters of awareness, lucid
trying to open some secret value
of understanding, expressing functions
with coefficients specific to the difference
dancing between ignorance and knowing
without remainder, absolute, mystic formulas
observing complexly with thoughtful contemplation
while quantum operators like equivalent chameleons
create and annihilate virtual arrays of exclamation
beautiful, scientific, tested
yet flawed, blemished, unbroken between the symmetries
trapped in cycles of infinity and substance
incomplete, unreckoned, unto two spun excellently of one
simple dark digit ever plunging beyond reduction
into the dream of woman
tested true

Tahtonka

primeval, probing
testifying
all around, from where

unfolding some smell
stampeding like tahtonka
understanding hunting me down
running with light through the night
with one more sound
completely true, unbroken
from the timeless time to come
unsealed, a secret
silently striking, igniting unblemished recognition
as candles upon the wind
awaken

Shofaret

over and over, a repetitive dream
curling through forms everchanging
yet the basic message, ever unchanging
turning years, over years
over years, those
occupying babyhood and childhood
even through the thirties, though winding down
those stricken
by something hideous it seemed
as teeth grew in and fell out
over and over, filling up my mouth
completely inside, overflowing
and no matter how many times
I spit them out
like time sped up, with each evacuation
pushing more out, and iterating
within the emptiness revealed
in the mystery concealed
with some urgency
fathomless
spitting out what, I'll never know

and, as I grew older
the repetition, probed deeper
deep deep down
into the inner jaw bone
as the innards dissolved away
teeth and roots, uprooted
exposed into the brain
the naked rawness
revealed
hide hide, in my mind
for now
as my hand covered my mouth
fleeing in the dreams
away into, into no thing I could see
yet crushed and broken
this in the dream, seeing
the untruth I was fed, but not meant to be
even then
moving silently, even then
still everpresent
each dream transformation testifying
as to why this thing
happened to me
set like a riddle
engraved clear through the door
with a voice never silenced
even then
during the long dark, dark night

Golem Soul

it was something of me
I saw
in her face
that day

yet I did not agree
to be

see

Rose of Dark Shadows

cousin, brother and I
(our mothers sisters and our fathers brothers)
we lived in the sticks
and down the country road, we rode
riding dark shadows
to there where
the abandoned two-story house stood
set aside, hauntingly broken, holy
with shattered windows scattered about
and doors off their hinges
yet uncurling within it, some essential core
like the old tattered furniture, waltzed to some ancient tune
stringing longingly from the center room
penetrating the color of the thin vacated space
inhabiting the place
through a weathered piano with misfit keys
like dusty knots, beckoning upon some mystic sound
transmitting a story
that creaked to life eerily when I played
truly, truly, truly
it happened in those days

of sharing
ghoulish stories, giddy, fearlessly full of fear
laughing like dybbuks with a secret
playing Dark Shadows
trying on roles whispering in code
from beyond the matrix, and into our world
the world as we made it
cousin and brother ... or were they really
Barnabas Collins, the vampire and Quentin, the werewolf
as I was really AngeliQue, the doppelganger
an exQuisite witch

like we were really Collins too, and here in this place
was our Collinwood, a world set aside
and whispering of more
like grandfather, our mothers' father
a mysterious man
with a secret escaping, into my ears
once hidden between his words
something setting me free, free! free! free!

so time after time, day after day
off to our haunting, we would fly on our bikes
to that broken old house
and once, it happened there
cousin brought forth a forbidden booty
two cigarettes from his mother's purse
for us, a first smoke
but I wanted none, not really
smoking meant nothing special to me, a strange child
so I, I AngeliQue
played on, strumming clumsily some ancient tune
to the rhythm of unseen smokerings drifting through the air beyond the angels
filling my nostrils, filling my soul, uncoiling like a cat in repose
in my heart, and I spoke it
I would not tattle, this daring plan
was okay by me

yet cousin and brother thought to be safe
to be sure, sure of me
though I had never been a squealer before
this was a serious, serious matter
so, hounded and hounded until I agreed
I took one
puff
insurance, security - for whom?
okay, okay, I thought
let's get past this thing, this matter
I want to play, more
so I took one
puff from the lit cigarette
and off to play more, I went, flying
upon those sacred misfit keys
creaking out some beautiful beautiful music to me
to the end
as smoke unfurled from the old bathroom
before a shattered mirror
to the end
playing Dark Shadows
Barnabas Collins, Quentin and I, I
AngeliQue

and then
we returned home
playing mysteries for the day
I put my bicycle away and went to my room
hibernating in my solitary way
while cousin and brother too, put their bicycles away
but, before going inside
they went to the water hose by the garage
and drank and spit and drank and spit and drank and spit
water
and then
they went inside
into the house, into the bathroom
and gargled with Listerine mouthwash

immediately
my parents suspected foul play
and cousin and brother were summoned to explain
such odd behavior
they broke, sobbing, the story inside out
what hafoch really means
from my room, I could hear
childhood repentence
made of muffled sounds and childrens' pleas
then
the door of my room burst open
and my father ordered me out
what? I inquired of my father, what is this for?
I see - cousin and brother had squealed
on me
admitting it, I had smoked one
puff too
I cannot tell a lie
nor can I, I
AngeliQue
so we all got a whooping that day
Barnabas Collins, Quentin and I, I
AngeliQue

Guardian Of The City

incensing the mind, one essence
imperfectly perfect
smell the attraction, the path
into neither heaven nor hell, who can know it
moving the wind, flowing with the flame eternal
love and affection, some hovering quiet brilliance
coming down, curling around
into our dwelling here, behind closed doors
just because, just because
you can
as the key calls, gates reverberate
like betzalel and oholiav
running and returning with the deep deep night
guiding tarrying pilgrams to the thin place
within the wall, rocking to the rhythm
playing on the stairs
in the dark leading like a line walking
descending and ascending
through the roofless unstable chamber
and winding passages peregrinating
into the heart of the mountain
into the inmost room
lit throughout with companions
and tables and chairs and books of letters
as we join together
you've been waiting for us
we hear

Musical Chairs

who can rescind it, and who can return it
a light brilliantly dark
who has been uprooted, root with branches, down to the sacred bone
outpouring all, completely emptyhanded, giving all
where even holy heroes fear to tread
who goes there
playing musical chairs
in the deep deep twilight zone set aside
casting letters like candy kisses from the court of many colors
who goes there
reconstructing caverns in the heart of machpelah
riding the eternal flame that flies
unextinguished
with troops of tropes unnumbered

Chilazon

thoughtbare
stringing through edgeless edges edging edges
channels, quietly concentrating chaos divinely brilliant
reverberating simply
some sustaining turbulence pooling high
yet somehow penetrating the mind
flying softly, hauled hauntingly up into discernment
binding silently speaking sparks of it, as one
ascending darkly bright, a scarlet white as snow
descending deeply blue against the night
rattling the bones
starkly intuitive, formlessly cognizant
imparting subtly, yet strikingly persistent
into the unknown, becoming known

Quantum Reconstruction

restructuring
some mystic separation
beyond a city of stone, one stirring hagayon
simply
iterating with indefinate definition
an elemental complexity
where holy shells synthesize human action
dancing thoughtbare, through some recursive program
like an absurd virtual blur, yet without obscurity
within a single stream of female apprehension
against the flow of deep deep quantum chaos
reverberating, yet absolutely still, fully immersed, in it
dissolved, yet not
expressing some holographic observation
through some proto-intelligent field of inquiry
dryly concentrated, yet flowing wet with flavor
nesting the purposeful function
through the asymptotic eye of a penetrating pause
quietly crossing over
tying moments split like shadows about the question
wordlessly piled like piles upon piles gently overflowing
clarity
from some timeless time to come
intercalating foci completely connected
fixing convergence into the mind
divine

Tehilla

through it, to it
one unextinguished fluid flame, reverberating eternally
beyond all leading edges - remember me!
body and soul, head and heart, limb to limb
erupting learning with letters
overflowing, innovative, crazy, dangerously divine
pivoting over edges of instability
ordering chaos, writing up the wall in original script
with the seed of humble genius outspreading, you are my gaon
my splendor, my strength, my cure, my blessing
saying like kadkode, my beloved
communicating this brilliance, impacting my world
crossing over fear, dealing death to terror, giving all, as this so that
flowing with milk and honey, drawing down heaven
through the gate, into every wandering journey, wherever I am
your smell lingers, in every word, guarding every detail
turning over history like a sweet secret
warming my very bones to life, pooling koh
opening my heart to aspire, my eyes to see, my hand to write
zeh, you are exactly the one, transforming my world
and all I will ever need

Elemental Ivrit

primitive
converging into some body
a gripping tsunami of divine wind
physical, astonishingly wonderful, perfectly clear, real
a certain miracle, most lovely, so naturally
yearning, longing, the blessing without limit, writing on the wall
embracing beautiful beautiful splendors
breathtaking, a startling split moment touching glory
a gift of love, a masterpiece of newborn vision
coming into the night
stringing a vowed melody remembering, filling completely
all awareness, powerful, intense, overwhelmingly coherent
forever marking the heart of emotion
reverberating before an unknown impending journey
very near, and still holding you
bright and brilliant
like a warrior of some eternal dream
fearlessly whole, amazed, awed with the song
endlessly riding a gentle fire focusing forward
into a time castle fully alive with life, even now
operating through the deepest darkness
evolving into one peaceful light

Of It I Am

of it, I am
with it, I am made
it cannot be taken
it cannot be stolen, cut or stripped away
it cannot be bought or sold or traded
no trick can pillage it
no degradation can erase it
no accusation can annul it
no action or inaction can remove it
no ugliness can conceal it
no whisper can blemish it
no shout can drown it
no silence can burn it
no celebration can destroy it

Warrior

troubled, broken, tormented
anguished
having fallen
having mourned
feeling the deep deep horror
yet unable to walk away
knowing the only path to peace
flows from the suffering heart
of the warrior

Mikdash

a holy host, ancient of days
witnessing down the wall, integrating dimensions
revealing something essential, something true
at the edges, from the fringes, in some central twilight zone
a mikdash of two by two
where companions walk together, with one mind
a thousand thousand pure eyes, heart to heart
a myriad myriads beholding the silent shout
splitting the skies, a victory force rides the rhythm
of endless delight
as pharaoh's arrows break rock to pieces
neither dark nor light, casting kisses
from the timeless time to come

Samkha

in it is
the mystery of amar
breathing into each synthesizing letter
a secret fire
dancing simply with lights of perfections
arching over the sky, filling the earth, hovering the sea
unfolding clarity dropping thoughts like words of water
splitting open into some meaning
permeating the air
sublimated from a complex heart
found, discovered
like a special treasure blooming
from a dangerous misfit mind
perfectly imperfect

Sha'ar Pinah

one agony, one multitude, one host
brought together, every one to another
riding the eternal reverberation
gathered between senseless senses
inside out, bound to a returning wind, a myriad myriads
brilliant fires
offspring
of the warrior
rising up
from a hallowed desolation, from the dirt of the earth
testifying

Petachya - The Key

shadows sweetly
moving in our image
communicating wordlessly, awareness
an intermingling melody
a quiet quiet light of penetrating beauty
fingering strings, unfolding the gentle song, softly dazzling
between your heart and mine

You Who Answers me

unfurling through some interface, blowing signs and wonders
twisting marks through time with truth, life and knowing
extracting into being roots of roots from that which came before, yet still
integral and ever bound to the nameless nothing
most fully something, a timeless ever coming time
emerging eternally, an absurdity, a paradox, an untaught law
in my ear, sounding you, you who answers me
indivisible, immutable, essential, broken broken hearts
entwining grains of history
and though the earth be singularly split
and the seas stand up, collapsing heaven
my heart waits in peace, anchoring all in time
until you, the only one
even as you appear, you who answers me

Event Horizon

decohering
one perpetual lifeforce darkly brilliant
running with dimensionless decisions, absolutely senseless, supporting
a reaching surface cast like holographic prayers
of returning singularities, thoughtbare
stringing kuzu bemukhsaz kuzu
weaving in and out of being, a reverberating eternal tapestry
laughing from the escaping edge, into the timeless time to come
bifurcating substanceless alternatives, iterating almost threads of it
erupting into some subquantum script
a female science, a warrior art

The Empty Force

an enigma, an absurdity
stringing some strange emptiness, a holy madness bursting full
unfolding favor
like a parchment endlessly, darkly brilliant
surely able, between nothing and one, a no-man's land
is the palace of a female mystic mansion, where only night senses
one mind effacing piles and piles of chaos softly
upon which this
breathes that
through and through, collapsing eternally
into an ever reverberating lifeforce
hovering plosive pivots of unuttered tradition set free
drunk without distinction, some wine of the timeless time to come
a martial art, an utter clarity
running and returning, iterating
feminine mystery communicating all goodness, like a key
ever beyond sound, yet still peacefully permeating script
the essential mark, above without end, below without bound
answering every prayer

Exotic Light

where land meets sea, without intention, only lishmah
set among rippling quanta of strange time, pure pure natural
eccentricities, contemplating the mystery from some inner place
like stops webbing through a pattern of foaming holes
dimensionless bubbles fielding dimension, unifying souls and beyond
edging edges, stretched out and squashed together, unfolding vessels
essential letters, fluctuating with colors of spin, extraordinary
like nuanced notes of discreteness everywhichway in a single stream
making companion waves against the flow in a matrix of everything
establishing singularities over intercalating paths like tunes tasting it
absurd, crazy, quiet, full of peace, without end, dark and stirring
resonating with overflowing activities isolated to thought and between
communicating, meeting, emitting signs like marking posts for actuality
grounding structure, founding spaces, laying stones of virtual rhythm
from the silent endless sea of improbable probability
perturbations void of past, astonishing, from some timeless time
reckoning, wondering, curiously embedding a discontinuous continuity
stringing a brilliant melody reflecting asymmetries through it
anchoring convergence to the mind, vivid, vital, unique
a perplexing element with handles into the very heart of the matter
containing the deepest, clearest, most exotic light

Shiloach

marked
breathing life into life into life
freezing lethal thoughts shot over matter
as nothing in time
like bullets dropping thought-less
to the ground
curses made weak, stripped of power, cut off
as tzionim dance in loco-motion
to the endless rhythm preluding prophecy
blowing crazy flavors
like sight behind the tongue
through asymptotic eyes thinless of space
perfectly imperfect, playing lights and perfections
a beautiful symphony, a splendid rhapsody
of complexity and simplicity in joyous harmony
through dark worlds of reality
weaving on the wall an illuminating tapestry
a psalm scribbled at the door
communicating the brilliance
shared between holy spirits
in true love

Divine Kiss

caught by a whisper empty of sound
thoughtbare, the color of flesh
one embracing smell
perfectly imperfect
curling from corners into corners, falling about
deep deep, the endlessly reaching cry
stringing a brilliance
neither dark nor light, blowing no where
then suddenly, from where
pivoting inside out
overflowing, tumbling fully alive
caressing all awareness, lost and found
cast into complete being
as the timeless time to come ever ignites
upon the kiss neverending
designating time

Observable Consequences

beyond time, space and soul
yet still ever in it, stringing some paradox shel yihyeh
penetrating spirit boundaries, flowing with the flame
seeing through a mother's eye, where nothing
yet inhabits the mind, percolating on a pivot
collapsing packed together into one place that is not
point, line or area
neither dark nor light, without beginning or end, elusive
yet caught in the dance of returning singularities
a metamorphosis, trustworthy, crafted in the art
lit with expressions, piles and piles simply complex
living in the language, made with the essence
of the divine

Tapestry

one living tapestry
pulsing to the endless rhythm
of nothing into dimensionless singularities
dancing on edges of chaos
penetrating cycles of poems, circuiting through songs
kissing the mind
crushing every plan raised against us

Delight In The Field Of A Dream

you, you
who returns with me
face to face, heart to heart, hand in hand
where all flies
uniting times
in living rhythm
like lameds through the sky
to a place most high, outpouring one delight
filling our world

Mystery Poet - Tefilah Shel Yihyeh

you are the one
essentially essential, sheltered in the mystery
behind my hand, a kissing wind
through the eternal moment, and beyond
a penetrating nishima l'nishima
permeating time, with life of life
sacred lights perfectly imperfect ever coming
together between my eyes, in my mind
tefilah shel yihyeh
dancing through the morning's gate
one perfect delight rushing all barriers
on harvested sparks of one reverberating passion
flowing like sweet milk and precious honey
into my world
as the dybbuks we are warble shir hashirim
in rhythm to the heartbeat
one to the other
making darkness bright with the brilliance
of our love

Nativ Path

naturally
the timeless time to come
into the field of a dream, from beyond
thresholds of the mind, walking silently like a shadow
one night, one mystery, one quantum leap
in rhythm with the endless light
lost and found, upon the streets of Jerusalem
protected, at the edges, peregrinating into corners
thoughtless, yet with purpose
ever so naturally
over measured stones, to some place
converging into some thought
called into being
considering it

Divine Paradox

suddenly
plunging into a mystery
where one mind
dances with essential singularity
fashioning existence
all at once, bit by bit, simply
with beautiful colors of chaos
as some pivoting dialog within the divine
drops like many miracles
made into time

Lights And Perfections

acts like pure oil permeating the whole world
simple yet profoundly brilliant
curling from corners, straight into existence
endless lights and perfections
stringing together justice, justice rippling through us
some eternal symphony like honey from the rock
a neverending tapestry, some timeless melody
holy holy holy House of Harmony
unextinguished, the silent secret desire
haunting the heart, filling the mind, occupying dreams
relentless, radiant, exquisite
one complete delight
familiar, soothing, always new, unchained
the question whose only answer for me
is you

Refuge

catching one man's dream
our dream
cast like two lovers tumbling
into absolutely nothing
exotic, memories that are not
yet are, with chaos
a cosmos is perfectly made, most fully something
unreasoned yet scientific
not logical yet assayed true
ever discovering
connectingcreatingseeingmakingthinking
curious strange attractors, holy, absurd
descending in the mitzvot, ascending in teshuvah
interwoven, uniquely one
experiment after experiment, a tested design
for us
there is one way through the snow
all its paths are shalem

do you recognize your story in my story?

Original Intention

tottering into one
holding onto the heart of it
yet letting go with the embrace
lighting up our world
wobbling over some pivoting paradox
perfectly imperfect
ever emerging, set free
yet converging in the matter
releasing
wellbeing with the reverberating wake
stringing eternally through all
so very real
so completely true

**********

express in truth, whatever the soul reveals,
for with each spark of truth, torches of light assemble,
illuminating the whole world,
and from such fragments of inner truth
will the Great Truth emerge
Rav Kook, Lights Of Holiness 1:168

Secret Chamber

once lost
not knowing, yet only knowing
sightless, blind within the primal echoing
ever turning dark line, hearing circles through circles
on hallowed notes of a voiceless night
far, far, near, near, our deep thoughtbare destiny
falling into one eternal magic moment
reverberating pure, whole and good, absolutely brilliant
dancing from your eyes merging into mine, collapsing all time
earth shattering, enrapturing, emancipating
music of one cherished lishmah
breathtaking, lifegiving
filling my world forever and ever

Unfolding

just wondering, intelligently reflecting
some brilliant ignorance
stretched out and reverberating no thing
flowing with some mysterious organized chaos
dancing between light and dark, communicating
one particular question, begetting many
bordering one iconoclastic universal mind
as lilith laughs with delight
unfolding a scorpion tale, a serpent song
once suspended thirsting, over some emptiness bursting full
steadfast beyond all ends
not far is it from she who sees, with awe and wonder

David's Dance

blowing blessings bright
simply brilliant
sufficient
favored
creaturely
divine
unfolding life's song
into every night
like melodies in flight
one heart
soaring with wings uniting souls
anointed
in the essence of a holy wind

Factorial Design

speaking into them
darkly whole, like a forth-thought, endlessly lishmo
circling down edges edging existence
and ever percolating timelessly through it
softer than a silent whisper hovering
urgently behind the essence of a quiver pivoting
stringing an ineffable impulse through a myriad myriads
with every detail down a scarlet cord intercalating
chosen histories coarse grained
into one living smell
kept eternally remembering

Prophetic Poetry

in between
shins tinkling along a pivoting wind spread out
blossoming layer by layer, intercalating
bytelets flaming endlessly back toward the source
yet forever forwardly inbound
with mystery in motion
one unique connection of a myriad myriads
dancing darkly like living light through the speaking text
soundlessly stringing a transmitting tradition
rebirthing every moment, ever on the way
an interesting effusion
a song of study
a probing rhythm
a curious infusion
an enigma
a cleaving melody of penetrating action
breathing through it

Evolution

neither dark nor light, walking on fire, weaving
some power of transformation, some seamless harmony
reverberating along pivoting perturbations
perfectly imperfect
embedded beyond the vacuum, yet ever reaching through it
turning inside out, simply running with the night
seizing moments, tasting of many colors
emerging from where, some sweet evolution
unfurling in mystic rhythm, incensing the wind
proto-anomalies and paleo-disparities
iterating myriads and myriads, like many shepherds
rushing into reality, unleashing virtual diamonds of delight
passion dancing with the eternal language
mysterious motions of stillness, with paradox
kindling keys to treasures, holy shells with divine audacity
resurrecting raining drops like semikhah
from the heart of timeless times to come, into time
penetrating every action, stengthening every recollection

Impulse

furiously alive, pouring into life
released lishmo
a driven cacophony, a roaring host of orot into keilim
a multitude of jumbled sparks flowing together
fashioning and perfecting, a kneading dew of truth
pivoting wavelets of night dancing down the light
as one unique note
beholding
bound together, yet blooming from the action
like an ibbur of resurrection
stringing kuzu bemukhsaz kuzu
darkly brilliant, the most gentle impulse
moving through it

Secrets

resurrecting living waters like bread from dust and ashes in the study hall
percolating wavelets of being, communicating, acting and releasing
naturally, naturally
yoked sounds kissing clinging stops up from the cold cold pit, sweetbranding flames
a melody of lights, a festival of song, a healing service, one unique treasure
fingered by darkness smitten with the reaching warm embrace
penetrating the night with a beautiful smell
of life and skin and sweat and soul in the house of learning
so real, like happy toes playing mysterious notes in the cleanest clay
like a secret letter emerging from the lips of the earth
delivering the tongue of the sea
embodying it
bare and true, listening to the eternally reverberating
strumming tune stringing gentle harmonies with crazy smiles
popping out within corners like footsteps in the garden of delight
whole in the heart reunited

Elixir Of Redemption

eternally reverberating, unextinguished
endlessly interacting without bound, yet bundled together
an essential melody of gentle rhythm flowing through it
and dwelling inside the pivoting tradition
of every moment turning
ever present, ever rising from the ground, all around
an elixir of life rapturing
awareness beyond sounding silent intervals in night
set aside, iterating harmony, from the complete heart
to the autistic mind embraced by the deep deep light
without benefit, without calculation reckoning
purpose dealing death to the loosening disarrangement
fashioned with deception, like a barrier
in the image of a time witchery
shattering against shells singing tehillim to the music

Known

heard over thought
utter clarity
comes down
a still still wind
like an elephant turning over
intense in the mind
surrounded by nothing
the word stood alone
stark, startling, unbeckoned
yet there, here in my head
it reverberated past sound
a rock
one saying only
doom
and immediately the meaning, the intent
became clear
as the promise stood, covering my door
without error, to one ever bound
and I thought to write nothing
yet write of it I did
writing
it is known

Hom Dai

once cursed
the bitter, bitter exile of returning
te-hom dai
to confusion once betrothed
with a timeless terror once wrapped up
shattered into expression, shorn defenseless
meant to die
tightly bound to a consuming sentence of disarrangement
sealed, marked and plunged
without compassion, mercilessly
into agitating black depths
buried alive
frozen, a terrible ice
sightless and soundless, the deep deep ageless night
roaring with silence, the chilling black fire, the burning frost
biting the mind, cutting the heart, searing the flesh
down to the sacred bone, faithful and true
clinging thoughtbare, beyond will, inhabiting the gut
reeling through the abyss, one eternal flame unextinguished
rising off tattered, desolate emotions
blowing an elixer of redemption in ineffable rhythmless rhythm
leading through it
to you

Menuchah

before
a flowing fire runs through it, pivoting over corners and edges
an impression timelessly, drawn out, drawn in
a reverberating darkness, resting with the night
considering hidden things, unfolding
shadows of a song innocent in eden
thirsting in the desert, some need curling in between
found, recognized, one
yet separated by fate breathing two lands
into shattering sands
yet against it, destiny still, woman is born

you never knew me, you never did
I never knew you, I never did

yet even now, here
fingers of the endless caress my neck
tottering on the edge, where influence rushes evernew
through this garden of the wilderness, lush with age
where flowers still bloom, creatures still multiply
and snakes still languish laughing
in the light of a smile, in the warmth of a gaze
locked everlastingly in time, one single moment
like a rock, indestructible
the smell of your soulprint lingers
here in my heart
reverberating the primordial touch, I remember
remembering, an eternally tender embrace
and living to tell it, simply in beautiful flavors of chaos
here it is, do you taste it
do you recognize your story in my story

Shiviti

probing
without distinction
thoughtless
some silent mystery
cleaving
alone
and yet
set, layed out, penetrating all appearances
upon a breath pivoting
between one and nothing
equal measures without measure
in some vacated space between words unwritten
considering it
there, somewhere
as the mind
wonders around
what, not knowing and yet still
knowing

Mobilized - Heyuli Of Intention

eternally reverberating
lost iterating some circular synergy
incapably able
unbroken beyond time
everywhichway, all at once, driven
with nowhere to go, but everywhere infinately
a heyuli of intention trapped in endless light
coldly stopped before the mind, when all stands still
pivoting upon an empty point of discovery
as restraint runs through it, to reveal
equally measured pieces completely whole
a merciful whisper of darkness, a vapor of night
a holographic clarity crafted
with a delightful expression of chaos
running for life, threading into it
and cast down the line

Abyss

a battering world
a bleak melody
a lingering bitter embrace
raw sorrow
endlessly in time
disconnecting the human race

Full Circle

as above, so below
still like the first traces
of the lingering vapor, bleak
the reality I came into, this
founding all experience, of existence known
cold, dark, hated and rejected
the fruit of surviving
resistance
awful and complete
the pain of being
ancient, and still
a neverending bleak reality, the vapor
the only constant curling through it
founding all experience, of existence known
cold, dark, hated and rejected
the fruit of surviving
resistance
awful and complete
the pain of being
the beginning, the end and in between
double loaves of desolation intertwined
and now, with my purpose done
my last prayer, my only hope
O G-d, bless my soul
give me liberty, giving me death
by the end of 34
and please, please, bring me home

Mitzion

once bitten

descending down the line
from ancient times with human intent
a predator of astral figure came, to leech great might
weakened and brought low as we slept alone, one by one
the creature of the night, a master of darkness and dreams
hovering near, under the mind, yet before the eye
ever open, never slumbering, ever watching, vigilant
as it neared with psychic stealth, it thought
to separate, control, consume and destroy
unaware of the still alertness
in silence observing the intention, without thought
like a spear of black emanation, destiny responds
straight to it, off the palm, striking to protect it
breaking the vampire spell

again bitten, he fears

Remember

turn and walk away
into the forest of isolation
and leave the world behind
be safer with the bears and snakes
than with the animal called human

Vardinah

softly like the morning
in primeval tones
stones whisper secrets
dancing with dew drops in the darkness
some quiet strength
gathering far and near, very dear
smell it
teasing the memory, one eternal gaze
caught in a mystery neverending
like chimes tasting the wind
your footsteps walk gently through my mind
a voice unique among men
I remember how it plays in my ear
one original script
sprinkling brilliance, delight all around
sparks of a lost letter
ever guarding the heart
your smile makes me happy
more than all the secrets in the stones

Mevaseret Tzion

happening upon it, like a nest along the way
a doe of the dawn
unleashing shackled hearts
as eternal flames reverberate
resting side by side, and one over the other, in open embrace
releasing secrets embedded beyond the stones
down moonbeams darkly brilliant, crying out
as fingers of the endless write a new song
a wordless reconstruction
rocking with the ages
for you

221 Measures

orah, she'arim, shorashim
one two three four
path, gates, roots and all
a myriad myriads
moving in the no thing
of an empty place set
with shadows darkly divine
simply complex
absolutely brilliant
in between, joining together
a kabbalistically illogical method
of the human voice
li orah

From Nothing At All

dark and tiding
surging, pulling back to ponder
some faculty without description
some inmost desire riding shadows divine
eternal flames of destiny in one endless light
gathering some peaceful brilliance
some celestial magnificance
standing in the gap, as quantum time
spreads out, yet collapses into being
earthy, riveting, relentless, vital
the lingering taste reverberating in the wake
of the night wind watering my world
with love
made from nothing at all

Stricken

stricken
silent cries shatter the night
let din velet dayan!
there is no justice! there is no judge!
beaten down
upon the ground
consumed in dust
broken in pieces, a black fire
alone
probing
no answer
searching
no sound
crying
no comfort
let din velet dayan!
there is no justice! there is no judge!
deep deep
from where, from where
is goodness ever to be found
darkness howls
as letters pour down
like shekels of nothing
speaking all around

Night Wind

a night wind shadows the mystery darkly radiant
riding the heart of heaven every single time
plunging from on high, one
two and one more time
all of it off the edge to the soul rhythm
ice dancing with tradition
as electric flames rain down coarse grains
of comprehension and understanding
impulses strangely thoughtbare yet apprehensible
in the space vacated like foaming holes
of some subquantum reality, some kefitzat haderekh
of secret joy, a blessing true - see what I heard
despite the magic cast by a wizard's line
through a witch's mouth meant to cripple and blind
as this laughing lunatic of a shabbat tzadi
from the timeless time to come
jazzes it up with dybbuks in paradise
like crazy bubbles flirting with the blue tune
unfolding this message from my maker for me to know
and for those two to find out
down the breath of el shaddai
now, whatdidya really think you could do?

Blue Moon

blowing blessings bright
simply brilliant
sufficient
favored
creaturely
divine
unfolding life's song
into every night
like melodies in flight
one heart
soaring with wings uniting souls
anointed
in the essence of a holy wind

Holy Chutzpah

unmindfully
doing my own business like Moses in Midian
with befuddled snakes full of hot air just thinkin'
just thinkin' wrong
thinkin' this toe-headed blonde must be a sheep
a sweet little sheep, if ya know what they mean
laughin' laughin' between themselves a-plannin'
just a-plannin' makin' a deal thinkin'
just a-thinkin' and a-plannin'
when, when
discoverin' dancin' hands bouncing with testimony
dancin' over flamin' angels doin' the hip-hop
hey, hey
little girl, little scorpion queen! be good! play nice!
cool down a little on that wicked attitude!

you surely ain't talkin' to me ...

Awaken

ready or not
eye to eye
the torch emerges
running with the night, inside out
and returning
what is will be seen
and what will that be that is seen
when, even in it
one awakens

A New Light

unshackled, rescued from a dream
waking, vital, vibrant, relentlessly real
here we are, naturally coming together
witnessing, expressing one elixer of true life
clear and unequivocal, liberating pure brilliance
splitting the mountain upon a promise, a new light
pouring down, riding a melody of steadfast love
with unique effluence, a singular essence
rippling with song, iterating an ever intercalating radiance
as all worlds emerge through vessels fit, wellsprings
forever joined together in radical amazement

here we are, paying our vows, with our tears and joy
twin horns lighting up the night like a torch
with nothing, yet with everything, inclination to inclination
stringing byte to byte, hand in hand, heart to heart
eye to eye, up the wall riding destiny
like footsteps of a rose in bloom, a human chain
illuminating every corner, vision divine
unextinguished, running and returning
penetrating timeless into time, a clinging ecstacy unbound
as everlasting drops reverberate through endless being

Kulanu

ashes of disengagement in the face
too empty not to care
too dry to sob, too burnt to speak
yet something essential, something true
out of the fire, an eternal flame, a quiet sigh
an exhale pivoting on changing times
coarse grains of history
like threads between my fingers
a holy fragrance weaves
reconciliation within the mouth
reverberating from behind the tongue
sounding of destiny
notes like flavors of a divine dream
never forgotten
unfolding from silence in rhythm
a drumming curl
flowing with love like still waters
from the inmost heart
light made like living stones
dancing with the garden moon

Imagine

simply
telling the primordial story
remembering the experience
of pure being becoming
once again
contemplating the heart of it
imagine
drawing through some churning fluid fire
shaking
some vapor tail end emerging
through it
gathering together
some impression, some stirring into thought
suddenly who
what say you
to me

imagine
you and me

Layla

ineffably
like a rose among dark shadows
hopelessly devoted
shiviti within one garden of the law
and most real life, a miracle among miracles
giving all, uniquely effluent, singleminded
heart and soul and might, gently
moving with the night divine
deep deep flames holding heaven
completely moonstruck by the brilliance
of one woman's offering, for you
as pearls of the earth
pepper the imagination with radical love

Possessed

rescued into reality
from the timeless time to come
in the heart of the dark
found
possessed
the scepter of complexity
simply
no other is like you
filling my entire being
carrying me through it
to it

Weapons

oh! the desolation of the yefat to'ar
abused, humiliated, made worthless
the beautiful woman, cast away
as nothing, without anything, abandoned
barren to the world, left to die, sacrificed
to brutal wives who, strangely, have no heart

shaved of support, stripped of humanity, twisted
marred and broken with acid nails sweetly shot
beneath smiles, year after year, reflecting perfectly
the talons of lethal women and the bite of dishonorable men

torn like an animal, ripped from the side, blunted
for slaughter, struck in the shadows, bleeding out
wretching spasms of rage, ugliness and ruin
with chaos iterating sorrow, multiplying pain
cutting the mind, convulsing the soul
utterly destroyed, without a future in the world as it is
completely consumed, making ashes of dreams

who weaves together cells of bloody destruction
dancing like demons in celebration, saying
no need to set her free, no need to marry her
no need to even bury her in the ground
just bury her alive in death
and feed her beaten body to the rabid wild dogs

The True Story Of Chaos

iterating simply
some beginning caught thoughtbare
in the essence of a shattering embrace
timelessly reverberating something eternal
something true
wondering how, how
to love you

In The Beginning

simply
in the beginning
the only good choice I could make
shattered me like glass

Rinah

quietly among moments
of a soft silence
stringing some wordless conversation
from beyond the stars
yet deep deep inside, circles of endless desire
ignite like a flint
upon something dark, something true
a solitary impression, neverending fires within a gentle flame
like letters inversely embedded on a signet
yet without description, reaching unaware for expression
thoughtlessly aware, eternal, still soundless
yet caught by some hovering breath of the heart
a gathering light, a blowing brilliance
embracing a humble human tale simply divine
percolating into action, turning over worlds
relentless
the probing confrontation, riveting
a plunging cry
untied

Straight Current - Nirtzah

oh, the desolation I have endured
every tear, every howling cry
a negative confession
with each drop of aching falling into the feather
an electrifying justice, like holy fire in the wake
of this woman's truth
fully against the insensitivity of deceit
awesomeness strings through blonde tunes
where eternal flames jazz dance
brilliant still
unextinguished, earthy and so fine
oh, the dark glory of it, hear how it shines
immeasurably measured in the balance
where giggling dybbuks play paradise blues
and if you don't like it
dust my broom

Pulsa Denura

straight from the source, from there where
black fire dwells, like breath from the rock
a dark brilliance deep deep in night
an utterly female force
with an answering observation
what did those who curse really think they could do?
I drive him crazy

he can't help it, he loves me and we're stuck like glue

and those who truly know, know
that on the day of judgment
it's much better to be an ignorant baalat teshuvah
than a gidufi with an idolatrous curse staining the tongue

About Midnight

betrayed
given over to die, exiled to hell
yet living to witness
the neverending story
of abuse
why do you hate me
I no longer care why you hate me
step away, stand back, don't touch me
don't dare

The Cacophony

relentless
stark
explosive
the cacophony
dangerously divine
the probing inquisition

if you love me
you feel
the pain in my heart

Tsabrah

stamped, fashioned and made
imprinted, sealed, one more name
found, rediscovered

inclined, hearing still
from the edges, and trying
turning to reveal

unhewn, yet pieces
prickly skins reuniting
sweetly remade lights

embodied, written
g'mar chatima tova
of passion dancing

with anomaly
transforming some division
lucid, expressing

vessels to contain
a wordless reconstruction
penetrating time

unshackling dreams, with
love intrinsically linked
implosive and yet

the outflow intense
proclaiming that uniquely
opening embrace

like a gate through worlds
one ritual releasing
secrets beyond stones

heart, mind, body, soul
a glorious symphony
seen in the matter

with the beginning,
middle, and every end
communicating

ark sparks through journeys
darkly brilliant, where moonbeams
shine bright perfections

ever connected, illuminating
and protecting forever
our holy union

Partners In Paradise

nameless
one becomes
the iterations of two, two
me and you, true partners in paradise
with three four and five derived
from the heart of chaos rectified
where the moon outshines
all the angels left behind
now you see them, now you don't
poof
here we go again
riding a doggone tarty tale of seamless truth
time after time, dwelling in the divine
beyond the gates
of a celestial darkness mystified
discontent and peering
into plunging primes
of light and lifeforce
electrifying
coarse grains brought down together
weaving a new world
through some silently speaking repetition
as myriad myriads cross over
dancing like dybbuks
down the lifelight
of night

Act One

I still hear you everywhere
penetrating a myriad myriads
one thread runs with love through all, always
captivating
dynamic yet ever unchanging
your voice calls
silently, riding flames of a holy wind
moving deeply, deeply
cutting like text through the void
casting clarity with letters, footsteps on firm ground
infusing moments destitute of hope
with the taste of our story
written with secret empty places
brilliant embraces of some sweet breath
loosed like a song among knotting quanta
dancing between one and nothing
in it, strings of living stones, piles and piles
one beautiful mess of chaos, exquisitely simple
establishing a united path among the mysteries
for this woman

Chosimah

like a breath caught darkly beyond the stars
a whispering wind gently shines
enraptured
by the heartsong
playing somewhere
through the prism of time
hauntingly absurd
curiously exotic
even as the endless turns the worlds over
wrestling with some human tale humbly brilliant
and absolutely divine

Folly

folly
crazy crazy, holy insane
sweeping through the brain
dropping ark sparks
brilliant
extraordinary
this ordinary one
caught
completely
in the grip of folly

carrying me through it, to it

Instrument

thirst

heart and soul and might
all of it, one instrument
off the edge
gripped within
simple strokes uncoiling
something essential, something true
crazy, insane
wild
a serpent song, a scorpion tale
stringing through dark dark sounds
of a brilliant lovestory

quick!
catch it!

Sasson

a little bit
of no thing and something somehow
ever foams formlessly up from the abyss
where utter silence reverberates with the sound of brilliance
flowing abundantly
through creatures of the night eternal
into peaceful words of beauty
percolating with the taste of endless light

Maggidah Of Raz - How I Learned To Crawl

when i was a baby, i was left alone
in the middle of the living room floor
unable to crawl
but but i could sit up - yippeee!
and then, curiosity made another move
wondering, what if
i turn this way and that, oops!
what did i do?
looking at the floor wondering how to move
without falling .. falling? what say you?
you knew how to crawl, you knew
how to make all the right moves
lifting my knees, my hands, shifting my weight
with the movements, one after another
until i got the feel of it
and you taught me to crawl
so i would not fall, so i would not fall
so i would not fall
you taught me to crawl

so, don't you know, you can't hide from me
because i might just wonder what if again

**********

the Besht went to the place, prayed and lit the fire
the Maggid of Mezeritz went to the place and prayed
R. Moshe Leib of Sassov went to the place
but i can tell the story

Wild Card - The Tenth Flame

yo there! hey you!
secret agent man
who do you think you are, eh?
hiding undercover
furtively occupying the mind, like a loco-spy
on a mission impossible
spinning like a crazy dreidyl
riding a magic mem beyond chaos
where teasing impressions percolate hocus focus
over the very edges edging the heart of awareness
from chambers in dybbuk heaven
some mystic mystery brilliance wild, wild
suspending no thing, only everything
shadow dancing
with one neverending river curling through it
from the timeless time to come
itty bitties, foaming holes bursting full
and darkly wondering around the matter
falling like one lunatic laser to the ground

Mesorah

unnumbered among the stars
oh, like dust are we dancing devils
playing the dybbuk blues
more bright than all the northern lights
this humble riddle of simple complexity
where ark sparks ride the vision
absolutely absurd
even crazy, crazy insane
this neverending love darkly brilliant
as shells sing tehilim to the music
flowing with the lunatic wind
blowing without question through the night divine

Kohelet

once stricken
forgotten, exiled
from an ancient ancient land
of exquisite light, sharing divine communication
where unique individuals express
a powerful art, a beautiful technology, an awesome science
a scribal tapestry, masterpieces
darkly distributing blessing into being
where bright morning stars still sing together, alive! alive!
despite handshakes between men seeking power
dealing deceptions, between many lands as history begins
against marriages by political arrangement, secretly adorned
with plans of destruction, orchestrating her execution
to usurp her place, to blot out her law, to turn the world over
yet blood speaks from the ground
witnessing, as tzionim of the deep deep night
multiply warrior beetles, a myriad myriads
black flooding the land with brilliance
remember! true love still has everything to do with it! remember!
not by power, not by might, not by political arrangement
but by only One spirit
curling through epochs, intercalating ages and times
turning the world over shadows focused
drawn together, rising up, returning on the fringes
resurrected to land of the living, reclaiming one people
out from the civilizations into which we have been swallowed

Suddenly

unleashed
an ectasy, completely enraptured, wowed
brighter than all the stars in many skies
more brilliant than diamonds in dust
this mystical magic
tinkling against shins in the wind
gently wild, blissfully insane
when suddenly
all creation sings
with dizzy delight
one crazy, crazy night

when, then
absolute clarity strikes the mind

One Inclination

inclined
as outliers slow dance
down the night wind blowing
paradoxes divine
diligently some quantum chaos strings
ineffably through it
thoughtbare
simply
broken hearts, pulsing with enduring brilliance
virtual companions, perfectly imperfect
anomalies
struggling toward the source
with a fistful of interpretations
wrestling with expression
reverberating neither dark nor light
some holy madness extends apprehension
iterating conjugations
as inquiring minds walk on fire, two by two
in some language of the soul
unpostured
holy offerings of experience
not keeping silent

Clarity

the deep deep unknown, a reaching unawareness, colorlessly black and clear
thinly still, timeless yet connected, intensely dark yet reverberating well being
pouring down, lit with returning expressions of living language
brilliantly coherent, in rhythm with the essence of reality
unfolding with purpose, the secret behind my hand, one with the mystery
sharing eternal lights of favor, vessels of complete lucidity in humble bursts
between being and not, saying something yet nothing, both ignorance and knowing
a unifying paradox, a subtle echoless understanding dancing with silence
sealing one pivoting alertness, establishing
from the start, undistorted, from the endless, unextinguished and whole
communicating simply with the poetry of complexity
streaming out, rivers of Eden, abundantly perceiving, some focusing reception
full and sweet, percolating with many mysteries to discover
savoring the gentle fragrance of the future on the wind
teeming with the breath of germinating life, every one to the other
as creatures quietly express the ineffable like soft songs in harmony
shadows and sparks hand in hand
in some frontier land curiously delightful

Epiphany

when I was six and
something happened, in my closet
finding a mouse, dead
in the closet
not afraid of mice, beginning to pick it up, stopped by
its eyes, open
I could not stop looking
I could not stop wondering
at it
it meant something more
beyond what I was seeing
this mouse
trapped
dead

looking at me
witnessing

what what what what
listening I
could not move
I could not move
all
my
thoughtsfeelingsquestionsanswersmeanings
becoming being
mashing together, collapsing into my gut
then
a silence
cutting the bursting emptiness, when
eternity into a split mo-ment
percolating
then
a rush of
a whirlwind
bursting full
more than I could
ever understanding at once
coming out through my insides
surrounding filling
in the closet
trying
to hold this treasured possession
in my mind of edges
yet then
trusting and letting go
these going out
such a strange thing was this doing
I was doing
turning inside out
becoming being within
one of infinite place
above without end and below without bound

**********

In this closet event, there were two instances (monkey tests) where the mind was required to let go. The first one was before turning inside-out (where consciousness moved from a katnut state into a gadlut state). As "all" rushed out through me (still basically in katnut consciousness), the wondrousness of the knowledge tempted my mind to hold it within the mind. It was such a treasure. A treasure the mind wanted to keep. Only after letting it go, in all its splendor and beauty, did I turn inside outside and enter into kadmon consciousness.

The second instance where letting go by the mind was required was when coming down from kadmon consciousness, returning to a katnut state, and becoming recentered with the body. Again, the mind was tempted to retain within its borders all that it had been able to apprehend with kadmon consciousness. Again, letting go enabled the mind to safely cross the barrier which marked the transition between states of consciousness.

Pedestal

oh! what a rare find is a capable wife
her worth is far beyond that of rubies
lacking no good thing
all the days of her life, never bad, ever praised
set of mind, acquiring
a pharaoh's treasure, whatever it may be
with her own labor she builds her house
unworried for her household
from afar she brings her food, cheerfully
the near needy, her mouth is full
her fingers work the spindle making cloth
she sells it
always looking for wool and flax
to which her hand is set, working
with an artistry unknown
to the wild, wild flower
who laughs, who cries, who rises, who falls, giving all
who dances naked with the night
who flees, to where angels fear to go
who ever hides
from the hideous perfection coldly imposed
upon the pedestal
where a fully human wife will never be

oh! what a rare find is a capable husband
oh! what a rare find is a capable teacher
upon a pedestal, one fully human will never be

**********

satire of eishet chayil
mishlei 31:10-31

Black Garden

what is heard
when looking, is it seen ...
... the feel in my heart like a shattered wail
moving darkly against a dulled ease
that does not see me

Dark Torah - Chavatzelet

from the mind inscribed before time in a dreamlike primeval existence
before my life began, at your side, I loved you
set before seeing, witnessing the violent play of creation
rising jagged with twisting thorns ascending toward there
wild and fierce the bloody storm from below, a churning pit of cold fire and coal
dripping with pain torn from earth, cutting edges
raging from a lawless horror, a terror untamed upon the earth
spreading as a plague coming near with powerful fury, iterating screams
reverberating with dysrhythm, the battering melody shattering the noise of silence
in agony melding together, into a cyclone of spiraling shrill despair
hopeless, the sound of an inky blackness, line upon line writing
a writhing scroll, twisted with affliction, death and blood everywhere
below the colorlessness of the sanctuary where I stood, immobile in the sight
testifying, not forgotten, revealing some wordless cry of terror
embedding beyond the throat, becoming chained in the belly
burning my world, descending into the hallowed depths of my heart
with no way to restrain it, its direction of attraction
toward me the knife came to cut
please see me! I am here! I cried without sound - to you as you watched it climb up
as you watched it climb up with some curious, strange fascination
not seeing me, or disregarded, either way, outside your direction of attention
as the rabid destruction erupted up the wall, and all I could do to escape the blade
becoming broken, I turned away, pulling myself in ... only to be thown away
thrown down, as a coarse grain into the only history I ever knew, and I know
what you did, throwing me down to be ripped apart, for those who would destroy me
why do you hate me - still you don't see me, you don't hear me, and you don't care
try as I might to rewrite the story, I cannot forget the truth
and some things can never be fixed