About Midnight

betrayed
given over to die, exiled to hell
yet living to witness
the neverending story
of abuse
why do you hate me
I no longer care why you hate me
step away, stand back, don't touch me
don't dare

The Cacophony

relentless
stark
explosive
the cacophony
dangerously divine
the probing inquisition

if you love me
you feel
the pain in my heart

Tsabrah

stamped, fashioned and made
imprinted, sealed, one more name
found, rediscovered

inclined, hearing still
from the edges, and trying
turning to reveal

unhewn, yet pieces
prickly skins reuniting
sweetly remade lights

embodied, written
g'mar chatima tova
of passion dancing

with anomaly
transforming some division
lucid, expressing

vessels to contain
a wordless reconstruction
penetrating time

unshackling dreams, with
love intrinsically linked
implosive and yet

the outflow intense
proclaiming that uniquely
opening embrace

like a gate through worlds
one ritual releasing
secrets beyond stones

heart, mind, body, soul
a glorious symphony
seen in the matter

with the beginning,
middle, and every end
communicating

ark sparks through journeys
darkly brilliant, where moonbeams
shine bright perfections

ever connected, illuminating
and protecting forever
our holy union

Partners In Paradise

nameless
one becomes
the iterations of two, two
me and you, true partners in paradise
with three four and five derived
from the heart of chaos rectified
where the moon outshines
all the angels left behind
now you see them, now you don't
poof
here we go again
riding a doggone tarty tale of seamless truth
time after time, dwelling in the divine
beyond the gates
of a celestial darkness mystified
discontent and peering
into plunging primes
of light and lifeforce
electrifying
coarse grains brought down together
weaving a new world
through some silently speaking repetition
as myriad myriads cross over
dancing like dybbuks
down the lifelight
of night

Act One

I still hear you everywhere
penetrating a myriad myriads
one thread runs with love through all, always
captivating
dynamic yet ever unchanging
your voice calls
silently, riding flames of a holy wind
moving deeply, deeply
cutting like text through the void
casting clarity with letters, footsteps on firm ground
infusing moments destitute of hope
with the taste of our story
written with secret empty places
brilliant embraces of some sweet breath
loosed like a song among knotting quanta
dancing between one and nothing
in it, strings of living stones, piles and piles
one beautiful mess of chaos, exquisitely simple
establishing a united path among the mysteries
for this woman

Chosimah

like a breath caught darkly beyond the stars
a whispering wind gently shines
enraptured
by the heartsong
playing somewhere
through the prism of time
hauntingly absurd
curiously exotic
even as the endless turns the worlds over
wrestling with some human tale humbly brilliant
and absolutely divine

Folly

folly
crazy crazy, holy insane
sweeping through the brain
dropping ark sparks
brilliant
extraordinary
this ordinary one
caught
completely
in the grip of folly

carrying me through it, to it

Instrument

thirst

heart and soul and might
all of it, one instrument
off the edge
gripped within
simple strokes uncoiling
something essential, something true
crazy, insane
wild
a serpent song, a scorpion tale
stringing through dark dark sounds
of a brilliant lovestory

quick!
catch it!

Sasson

a little bit
of no thing and something somehow
ever foams formlessly up from the abyss
where utter silence reverberates with the sound of brilliance
flowing abundantly
through creatures of the night eternal
into peaceful words of beauty
percolating with the taste of endless light

Maggidah Of Raz - How I Learned To Crawl

when i was a baby, i was left alone
in the middle of the living room floor
unable to crawl
but but i could sit up - yippeee!
and then, curiosity made another move
wondering, what if
i turn this way and that, oops!
what did i do?
looking at the floor wondering how to move
without falling .. falling? what say you?
you knew how to crawl, you knew
how to make all the right moves
lifting my knees, my hands, shifting my weight
with the movements, one after another
until i got the feel of it
and you taught me to crawl
so i would not fall, so i would not fall
so i would not fall
you taught me to crawl

so, don't you know, you can't hide from me
because i might just wonder what if again

**********

the Besht went to the place, prayed and lit the fire
the Maggid of Mezeritz went to the place and prayed
R. Moshe Leib of Sassov went to the place
but i can tell the story

Wild Card - The Tenth Flame

yo there! hey you!
secret agent man
who do you think you are, eh?
hiding undercover
furtively occupying the mind, like a loco-spy
on a mission impossible
spinning like a crazy dreidyl
riding a magic mem beyond chaos
where teasing impressions percolate hocus focus
over the very edges edging the heart of awareness
from chambers in dybbuk heaven
some mystic mystery brilliance wild, wild
suspending no thing, only everything
shadow dancing
with one neverending river curling through it
from the timeless time to come
itty bitties, foaming holes bursting full
and darkly wondering around the matter
falling like one lunatic laser to the ground

Mesorah

unnumbered among the stars
oh, like dust are we dancing devils
playing the dybbuk blues
more bright than all the northern lights
this humble riddle of simple complexity
where ark sparks ride the vision
absolutely absurd
even crazy, crazy insane
this neverending love darkly brilliant
as shells sing tehilim to the music
flowing with the lunatic wind
blowing without question through the night divine

Kohelet

once stricken
forgotten, exiled
from an ancient ancient land
of exquisite light, sharing divine communication
where unique individuals express
a powerful art, a beautiful technology, an awesome science
a scribal tapestry, masterpieces
darkly distributing blessing into being
where bright morning stars still sing together, alive! alive!
despite handshakes between men seeking power
dealing deceptions, between many lands as history begins
against marriages by political arrangement, secretly adorned
with plans of destruction, orchestrating her execution
to usurp her place, to blot out her law, to turn the world over
yet blood speaks from the ground
witnessing, as tzionim of the deep deep night
multiply warrior beetles, a myriad myriads
black flooding the land with brilliance
remember! true love still has everything to do with it! remember!
not by power, not by might, not by political arrangement
but by only One spirit
curling through epochs, intercalating ages and times
turning the world over shadows focused
drawn together, rising up, returning on the fringes
resurrected to land of the living, reclaiming one people
out from the civilizations into which we have been swallowed

Suddenly

unleashed
an ectasy, completely enraptured, wowed
brighter than all the stars in many skies
more brilliant than diamonds in dust
this mystical magic
tinkling against shins in the wind
gently wild, blissfully insane
when suddenly
all creation sings
with dizzy delight
one crazy, crazy night

when, then
absolute clarity strikes the mind

One Inclination

inclined
as outliers slow dance
down the night wind blowing
paradoxes divine
diligently some quantum chaos strings
ineffably through it
thoughtbare
simply
broken hearts, pulsing with enduring brilliance
virtual companions, perfectly imperfect
anomalies
struggling toward the source
with a fistful of interpretations
wrestling with expression
reverberating neither dark nor light
some holy madness extends apprehension
iterating conjugations
as inquiring minds walk on fire, two by two
in some language of the soul
unpostured
holy offerings of experience
not keeping silent

Clarity

the deep deep unknown, a reaching unawareness, colorlessly black and clear
thinly still, timeless yet connected, intensely dark yet reverberating well being
pouring down, lit with returning expressions of living language
brilliantly coherent, in rhythm with the essence of reality
unfolding with purpose, the secret behind my hand, one with the mystery
sharing eternal lights of favor, vessels of complete lucidity in humble bursts
between being and not, saying something yet nothing, both ignorance and knowing
a unifying paradox, a subtle echoless understanding dancing with silence
sealing one pivoting alertness, establishing
from the start, undistorted, from the endless, unextinguished and whole
communicating simply with the poetry of complexity
streaming out, rivers of Eden, abundantly perceiving, some focusing reception
full and sweet, percolating with many mysteries to discover
savoring the gentle fragrance of the future on the wind
teeming with the breath of germinating life, every one to the other
as creatures quietly express the ineffable like soft songs in harmony
shadows and sparks hand in hand
in some frontier land curiously delightful

Epiphany

when I was six and
something happened, in my closet
finding a mouse, dead
in the closet
not afraid of mice, beginning to pick it up, stopped by
its eyes, open
I could not stop looking
I could not stop wondering
at it
it meant something more
beyond what I was seeing
this mouse
trapped
dead

looking at me
witnessing

what what what what
listening I
could not move
I could not move
all
my
thoughtsfeelingsquestionsanswersmeanings
becoming being
mashing together, collapsing into my gut
then
a silence
cutting the bursting emptiness, when
eternity into a split mo-ment
percolating
then
a rush of
a whirlwind
bursting full
more than I could
ever understanding at once
coming out through my insides
surrounding filling
in the closet
trying
to hold this treasured possession
in my mind of edges
yet then
trusting and letting go
these going out
such a strange thing was this doing
I was doing
turning inside out
becoming being within
one of infinite place
above without end and below without bound

**********

In this closet event, there were two instances (monkey tests) where the mind was required to let go. The first one was before turning inside-out (where consciousness moved from a katnut state into a gadlut state). As "all" rushed out through me (still basically in katnut consciousness), the wondrousness of the knowledge tempted my mind to hold it within the mind. It was such a treasure. A treasure the mind wanted to keep. Only after letting it go, in all its splendor and beauty, did I turn inside outside and enter into kadmon consciousness.

The second instance where letting go by the mind was required was when coming down from kadmon consciousness, returning to a katnut state, and becoming recentered with the body. Again, the mind was tempted to retain within its borders all that it had been able to apprehend with kadmon consciousness. Again, letting go enabled the mind to safely cross the barrier which marked the transition between states of consciousness.

Pedestal

oh! what a rare find is a capable wife
her worth is far beyond that of rubies
lacking no good thing
all the days of her life, never bad, ever praised
set of mind, acquiring
a pharaoh's treasure, whatever it may be
with her own labor she builds her house
unworried for her household
from afar she brings her food, cheerfully
the near needy, her mouth is full
her fingers work the spindle making cloth
she sells it
always looking for wool and flax
to which her hand is set, working
with an artistry unknown
to the wild, wild flower
who laughs, who cries, who rises, who falls, giving all
who dances naked with the night
who flees, to where angels fear to go
who ever hides
from the hideous perfection coldly imposed
upon the pedestal
where a fully human wife will never be

oh! what a rare find is a capable husband
oh! what a rare find is a capable teacher
upon a pedestal, one fully human will never be

**********

satire of eishet chayil
mishlei 31:10-31

Black Garden

what is heard
when looking, is it seen ...
... the feel in my heart like a shattered wail
moving darkly against a dulled ease
that does not see me

Dark Torah - Chavatzelet

from the mind inscribed before time in a dreamlike primeval existence
before my life began, at your side, I loved you
set before seeing, witnessing the violent play of creation
rising jagged with twisting thorns ascending toward there
wild and fierce the bloody storm from below, a churning pit of cold fire and coal
dripping with pain torn from earth, cutting edges
raging from a lawless horror, a terror untamed upon the earth
spreading as a plague coming near with powerful fury, iterating screams
reverberating with dysrhythm, the battering melody shattering the noise of silence
in agony melding together, into a cyclone of spiraling shrill despair
hopeless, the sound of an inky blackness, line upon line writing
a writhing scroll, twisted with affliction, death and blood everywhere
below the colorlessness of the sanctuary where I stood, immobile in the sight
testifying, not forgotten, revealing some wordless cry of terror
embedding beyond the throat, becoming chained in the belly
burning my world, descending into the hallowed depths of my heart
with no way to restrain it, its direction of attraction
toward me the knife came to cut
please see me! I am here! I cried without sound - to you as you watched it climb up
as you watched it climb up with some curious, strange fascination
not seeing me, or disregarded, either way, outside your direction of attention
as the rabid destruction erupted up the wall, and all I could do to escape the blade
becoming broken, I turned away, pulling myself in ... only to be thown away
thrown down, as a coarse grain into the only history I ever knew, and I know
what you did, throwing me down to be ripped apart, for those who would destroy me
why do you hate me - still you don't see me, you don't hear me, and you don't care
try as I might to rewrite the story, I cannot forget the truth
and some things can never be fixed